my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
