It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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