I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
