The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
