marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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