I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Randomize
