drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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