Don't you send me to vm
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
we're making bets on your personal life
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
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