Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
