and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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