i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
