you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
