When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
