what if every blade of grass was a penis?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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