??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
