Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
