After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize