Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Did you just see the Batmobile???
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
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six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
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He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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