My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
