singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
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