we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
