Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
and she was petting her beer can
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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