toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
