I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
