you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
