Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
