i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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