you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
