For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
