booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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