Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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