I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
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whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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