i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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