gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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