8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
