don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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