I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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