I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
There are leaves in my underwear?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
