Your mouth is God's brothel.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
