I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
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