dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
