I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
