I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
