he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
