We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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