I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
