Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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