two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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