Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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