theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
How naked do you want me to be?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
