Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Four minutes until I can fart!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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