yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
it's like iHOP with fire
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
