Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
