somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
