I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
