just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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