Too much gin, very little bucket
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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