The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
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