my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
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Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
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I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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