She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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