whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
