Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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