While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
