He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
This is classic penis vs brain.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
