I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
