Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
