Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Randomize
