Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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