Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
