hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Screwed.edu
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
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