i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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