halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I would ride that face into the sunset
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
